D3 body, D1 cock
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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