I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
farters have to be the big spoon...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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