why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
