Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
