i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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