Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
