I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
