I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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