I'm so fucking centered right now
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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