onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
