hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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