I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious