3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.