I chose taco bell over sex...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.