every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos