my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.