and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
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he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt