my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.