but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
