hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
