with your own penis?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
