I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
