My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
