If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
