he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
