Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
