Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
