break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
