hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
