2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
