we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
