Your face is a jimmy john
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
