He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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