I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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