Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
