He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
