Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
