Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
