Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
