Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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