My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
