It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
