In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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