My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
