In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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