my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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