for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
