fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
