I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
