Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
