pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
