I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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