You can't special order awesome
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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