Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
