I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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