i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
