then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize