i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
