I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
