Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
