Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
