I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
