This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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