Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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