Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize