just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
