just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
