we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
