I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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