I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
