Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
