just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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