i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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