my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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