So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
