she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
