Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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