you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
