I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
