How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
