You're completely useless in the revolution.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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