I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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