I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
