why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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