Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Randomize
