how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
two words: eviction party
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
