I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
