I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
