So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
