The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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