you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
