So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
