I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
