he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
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He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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