I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm like, not good at living.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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